My girlfriend told me today that I had it all. The job, the place, the looks and any guy I wanted. When I don’t have either of them. Why is it when someone views you, they view you differently then you view yourself? I’m never truly happy. I do things to hope that I can live a fiction life. A life that I can be happy with, something I can make up in my head and live it out. Maybe fiction is meant for stories for a reason.  I’m lonely and I’m lost. I’m unhappy and unsure of myself. Is it always going to be this repeat? Will I never find myself? I guess I’m not trying hard enough or maybe this is who I am. Someone who lives the wild card, going against the rules in the book of life. I now know that I am complete opposite of my mother. She was a saint. An angle. Who could compete with that. If I was have the woman she was, I wouldn’t even be here. Id be happy living the simple life. Fallowing the rules, never turning to the dark side. I have more of a demon in me than an angel. Tomorrow I’m going for dinner with an older man. I’m going to be getting paid to sleep with him.. High end escort. Yes, I said it. Escort. I used to try to convince myself that’s not what I am but it is. I’ve been doing it for almost 2 years now. Wow, time fly’s. I have no idea what I’m going to be doing when I’m older…. Where is my life going? Absolutely fucking nowhere. 

xo Dylan