Why do I do this to myself?

Hey bloggers and readers, sorry I haven't been writing very much lately but I have been busy with work and moving into my new apartment. I must tell you my place looks amazing. I have spent the past two days painting and decorating that place. Its kind of sad to know that I am no longer living with my dad. Scary more like. I am now sitting in my old room and it has never looked so empty in the past 6 years. Yes, I have lived here for 6 years. Probably the longest place I have lived my entire life. Wait actually 5 years because I lived in Seattle for  year then came back. I don't know what to do. I'm sitting here in this empty room thinking about all the memories I have had in this bed and on this floor. LOL! Some pretty fucking crazy times if you ask me. 
 Now let me catch you up on what I did last week. I am a huge slut as we all already know but literally when I say slut I mean SLUT. Last weekend I went down town with three of my girlfriends and we went clubbing. Danced like strippers and drank like trailer trash people. I met the sexiest Australian ever! If I could describe to you how sexy he was I would. Well, I guess I'll try. Okay, so he had dirty blonde hair that was about 3 inches long. Bright baby blue eyes. With of course pearly white teeth. His body looked like he walked out of a men's health magazine. It wasn't that scary crazy muscle man kind of body but it was the perfect kind of muscles. Which is my favourite because when guys get too muscly I hate it! I actually think its kind of gross. Anyway's we danced and chatted for a bit. He bought me a drink even though I spilt his drink on him. After that we started hard core making out on the dance floor. I could feel my panties getting wet from the kiss. It was one of those 'lets fuck' kisses. He grabbed my lower back then pushed his hands down the back of my shorts where I could feel his hand pressed against my naked but cheek. I was weak and wanted him more then I have ever craved anyone. He told me he was leaving the next day to England, so I mean common I had to sleep with him. He was leaving!! I couldn't play the I wont sleep with you till third date game. 
 I went to Ben's hostel, Ben is the Australian, which I have never been to a hostel before. Its kinda weird but cool. I always thought people get killed in hostels because of the movie Hostel. When I saw that movie my dad convinced me that stuff like that actually happens. Scared the shit out of me until I found out it only happens in Europe but still. I am never going into a hostel outside of Canada. Once we got to the hostel it was cool but grungy. The street it was on was disgusting. There was a hobo just chilling outside the hostel with his box. I thought to myself 'great Dylan what did you get yourself into now' but I didn't really care because I was so horny and he was so hott that it all made up for it. Once we got to his room we had crazy sex. I made him choke me and put me in so many positions that I had an orgasm at least 3 times. The when we were done my boy toy Sean called me. I have been hooking up with him on and off for the past couple of years. I forgot it was his birthday so I wished him happy birthday and he asked me to come over. I couldn't resist because I didn't want to get attached to this amazingly hot Aussie. I thought that if I stayed longer I wouldn't want to leave. 
 When I got to Sean's he asked me about my night. I said exactly this word for word. "I went down town, danced like a stripper, met some foreign, went to a hostel, fucked 2 times and then you called." He laughed at me like I was joking. So I went along. Haha. Of course since it was his birthday I fucked him. Yes, I used condoms with both of them. I'm surprised my pussy isn't huge from fucking so much. Its still tight. Soon though I can see a guy never being able to pleasure him self with my gapping hole. Since I am so willingly to open it up for anything that walks by. I honestly feel like a dude sometimes. I give myself pride for sleeping with all these sexy ass men. I am a really sexual person. I also love sucking dick. I am a master at it. It gets me going knowing the guy I am sucking is loving it more then I would love him sucking my pussy. I have never given head and them not finishing on my face or on my body or in my mouth. Thats how good I am. Every guy I have sucked off has finished. I sound like a raging slut yeah what ever. I already know. So don't bother leaving comments saying "your such a fucking slut you probably have an STD" Yeah bitch I get it. I do go to the doctor to get checking. I am surprised I don't have anything because if I was someone who prided themselves in not having sex with anyone. I would think that I had every disease known to man kind. 
 I fucked two guys in one night. That was the first time every surprisingly. Now that I have my own place I wonder what guys are going to be coming in and out of it. I hope my roommate doesn't kill me. She's my best friend and also a huge slut. So Im not to worried about it. Although she has been seeing this guy. Which is amazing for her, I am so happy that she's happy. Its just weird to see. I couldn't see or date anyone if I even tried. It's not that I don't want to see or date anyone. Its just that I cant. I actually cant sit around with just one guy. I always think when a guy is trying to be nice or says the things I want to hear that its just all bullshit. I cant believe or trust anyone. Not after what Jesse put me through. I am now ruined for relationships for life. I wont be able to trust or love anyone! No guy would even want to be with me because I'm such a big slut anyways. I am probably going to be alone for the rest of my life. I really hope I'm not but God is watching me and he is probably so disappointed in me. God doesn't want anyone to be with me anyways.
 I believe in God because my mother brought me up that way. I am christine I just don't go by the rules. When have I ever even gone by the rules. 


xoxo
Dylan (your crazy slut)

Just another typical night

So I must say that I am probably the biggest whore anyone could meet. I don't think I should be proud of what I do but I feel like I have accomplished something for once in my life. I have been obsessing over this guy at my work. He's a cook and only 2 years older then I. We have been flirting and giving eye contact for the past 2 months at work. Finally when we were closing the restaurant on a saturday night. The guys at my work asked me what I was doing that night. I told them I had plans with my girlfriend and two guys friends (which one of those guys I was hooking up with) to go to Seymour's. One of the cook's at my work thought it was a good idea and told me to text him how it is.
Once I pre drank at the park with my friends (I know, I felt like I was in grade 8 again). We all headed to Seymour's it was around 11:30pm once we got there. I spent $100 on jagar bombs. Which lead to me out side on the patio wasted dancing on chairs and knocking over glasses. I ran into my best friends ex boyfriend and started to flirt. I couldn't help myself. He just looked so good. He was also making the move first. When I turned my head I saw this guy I used to see. So, the slutty thing I did was grabbed my best friends ex boyfriend and started to make out with him while sitting on his lap. I could feel the guy I used to see stare and I got a little excited. I like when guys get jealous or mad or feel threatened by another guy. It makes me wet (I don't fucking care if this is to much information). I then got up and saw the guy I have been obsessing over at work, James. He was siting with some of the people we work with. I looked at him and he looked at me. He gave me a sexy smile and I knew exactly what it meant. I walked over and said hey. I sat down at the table with everyone and probably made a fool out of myself by slurring every couple of words as I talked. James would lean in and brush his hand over my thigh getting close enough to go a bit under my skirt and then full away. He was teasing me!! It made me want to grab him and shove him in a bathroom and let the sexual tension release. Well that wasn't the case. Instead my best friends ex boyfriend then kept trying to be with me the entire night. James saw and then stopped hitting on me. I then put my hand on James's thigh and leaned in to ask him to dance. He seemed surprised by my question but agreed to go inside. We got on the dance floor and of course I was dancing like a whore. I could feel his hard dick up against my ass. James and I both knew we wanted each other. It was an obvious fact. Although I must admit he was a horrible dancer and it was kind of embarrassing. I pretty much had to pull him off the dance floor so he would stop. We ended up making out and he wanted to take me home. At first I said no because I came with my friends but I ended up getting a ride back to his place.
Once I got there I made myself comfortable by taking my clothes off and just wearing a bra and panties. James roommate also one of the boys that works with us at the restaurant was face planted passed out on the couch. His mouth was wide open and I could see drool dripping from his cheek. It was gross. James and I tried to be quite but we wanted to watch a movie. Then his other roommate walked in and saw me standing with just my underwear on. He started chanting and saying. "Nice bra! wWe don't see many girls here for James." I was shocked by what he said considering I thought James was really hot and that he would be banging a lot of chicks. I didn't care either way. His other roommate who was passed out on the couch woke up and saw me. He was startled. I think it was because he was in his boxers and he looked kind of ridiculous.
 James roommates are have weed plants growing in one of the rooms. So there was a shit load of weed on the coffee table by the couch. James smoked a joint with one of the guys and then we went into his room. He started kissing the back of my neck and that just did it for me. I honestly couldn't resist him. I enjoy sex to much. I do respect myself. I am not one of those lost girls who just want to be a tramp and who have daddy issues who need attention from other guys to make her self feel better. Actually that kind of sounds like me. I do have daddy issues but I don't need guys attention to make me feel better. I just love sex. Yes, I should be ashamed or feel bad about having a one night stand but I don't. It just doesn't phase me. I want to tell you that I have somewhat feelings but after Jesse and I's relationship it has ruined me to ever fall in love again. Its kind of sad, I cant even open up to guys anymore and when I watch movies and a love scene comes on it now grosses me out. I feel like its all bullshit. When they have deep conversations about their stupid emotions it is just fucking GAY.
 James and I ended up having sex. I left in the morning feeling proud that I got what I wanted.


xoxo
Dylan

how it all started (part eleven)

After Sasha and I's rampage in whistler. We ended up drinking at her apartment almost every night. We would invite boys over and listen to loud music. I am surprised her neighbours never came banging on her door asking for us to shut the fuck up.
 After that my life started to turn out normal. If thats what you call not drinking all the time dropping out of school and getting a job. Yes I dropped out of school. I could never do it you know. Its not like I didn't like the teachers or the people in high school. Everyone is just so annoying and immature. I eventually start hating everyone. I don't find one person I even like. The girls I would hang out with would talk about the most stupidest things and acted like such fucking fags. It's so hard to explain. But common now I cant be the only one thinking this. I found everyone at my school losers. They weren't cool they didn't know what the world was like they would complain about who they hooked up with or what fucking shirt they wore to a party or about how some girl gave her a dirty stare. I'm 100% better then all of them and going to school with them just makes me look like one of them. I had to leave. I want to fucking get my own  place and a job and support myself. I want to start living! I want to travel the world and explore. Do the most craziest things anyone has ever done. I don't want a boring normal life like them.
 Although my life sort of became a bit normal. I got myself a job and dropped out of school. I stopped drinking as much and never did drugs. I would spend money lots of money on clothes and shoes and makeup. I was a M.A.C makeup whore. If you saw my bathroom its covered head to toe with shit load of makeup. I have to much shit to be honest to much make up to many shoes and to many clothes. I need to throw it away but honestly some shit is way to expensive for me to throw away and eventually I will wear what ever I throw away because last time I threw out of bunch of clothes I ended up actually wanting to wear them and regretting throwing it out. I don't want to seem like a hoarder or anything. I know I'm not but I kinda sound like one now. I always throw shit out don't get me wrong. But i have come to a point right now in my life were i like all my clothes but i just had so many!
 I am actually starting to move out of my house and into an apartment with Sasha. Yes the part 1 -11 is finally over I have told you most my life story. Its not that interesting but I think its pretty interesting to write a blog about. The place Sasha and I are getting is actually big and there is lots of closet space!!! FUCK YEAHHHHHHHHHHHH
me need! I'm scared we are going to end up having a dirty place, that we are both going to end up being to lazy to clean anything. AHH im so excited. Oh right I forgot to tell you about my 18th birthday. I ended up going bar hoping and some how woke up at a casino. I wish I had more to tell you but I sort of blacked out.
 Next week we are going to paint our apartment! Our landlord thinks we are hot and is pretty much letting us do what ever we want to the place. I am so excited. lkadsjflaksdjfklasdjfkldsajfkladsjflksajdlkfjsadlkfjaslkdfja
Thats me spazing on my keyboard.


xoxo
Dylan

Just me talking.

I'll finish how it all started soon but I just feel like rambling about relationships/love/friendships..
Tell me girls and boys have you ever been torn between someone you love or your best friend? Have you ever gotten mad at your best friend because they ditch you to spend all their time with their boyfriend? when really your just jealous they have someone. I have been in all those positions but I have never chosen a guy over a friend. I have though been ditched for a guy or a guy splitting our friendship apart. To be honest the world is fucked up. It's cruel and it's not fair. I remember when my best friend started hating me because I hooked up with a guy she likes. Even though she was seeing someone and she pacifically told me she didn't like him. I even asked her because I told her I liked him and once I got him she ended up hating me. I don't even think thats fair because once I realized she was mad, I made no contact to him ever again. Yet she still didn't want to talk to me. Maybe I am just a bad friend or she has some issues on her own to deal with. She's a fucking bitch, she always has been. I am sad that we aren't friends anymore but I'm tired of her bullshit. She can just stick a huge pool up her ass and cry about it. Honestly. 
 One time me and my girlfriend we both liked the same guy. I would try to set them up because she was my best friend and I wanted her to be happy. He ended up liking me and I told him no. I said I had no feelings for him even though I did. He ended up going out with my girlfriend. I didn't like hanging out with both of them at the same time because it would irritate me. So I actually barely got to see her. She ended up spending all her time with him and completely ignored me. I try to do something nice and now look at me. I ended up pretty much loosing a fucking friend. FUCK YOU EMOTIONS. 
another time my friend was dating this boy and she introduced us. We ended up becoming friends and we talked a lot. He ended up liking me. So I stopped talking to him. I shouldn't have even talked to him in the first place. He ended up telling my friend that he couldn't date her anymore because he liked me!!!! what a fucking loser. She blamed it all on me for ruining the relationship. Nothing ever turns out right for me. Its like god has it out for me. I am such a bad person I cant have friends or be with anyone. My fucking Facebook isn't even working. I sometimes feel like I should go hide in a hole and let a man find me and rescue me. So then I wont be stealing someone's guy or trying to hook the guy I like up. It would just make a lot of things easier. 
I swear Im going to be alone for the rest of my life. 


xoxo
Dylan

how it all started (part ten)

 Sasha and I became really close. We didn't party much together at first, instead we went shopping most of the time and sat around and watched movies while we drank wine. I think it was just us trying to relax and get over our boyfriends. Jesse never left my mind. Songs would remind me of him. Everything would remind me of him. Same with Sasha, Ben never left her mind. 
 Sasha eventually moved out of her parents place. She was only 18 and already moving out! I was so excited. She's my real friend to move out. I helped her move her stuff in. I pretty much lived with her. I actually stayed with her for 3 months straight. In the time of me living with her we decided to break out of the nest. Instead of moping around about our ex boyfriends we took a road trip to whistler. On the way there we listened to Taylor Swift and Swollen Members. (What a great mix of songs eh?) Once we got there we stayed at our friends Joeys place. There was 4 people living in a 3 bedroom place. It was smaller then Sasha's place and she only had a 1 bed room. We ended up getting 3 large bottles of vodka. (In Canada we call them 2/6's. I think in America you call them gallons? I don't remember.) We also got a 12 pack of beer. Only 4 of us were drinking this. It was going to be one fucked up night. 
 After we all got back to Joeys. We drank more then we should have. Random people came into his apartment. I made out with all of them even a lesbian and a gay guy. I ended up going to bed and the lesbian came into the room. She got on top of me and started making out with me. To be honest I didn't even care. We ended up making out and she started to finger bang me. It kinda hurt because her nails were a bit long but other then that it was all right. When I got up in the morning I smelt this weird oder. I was so hungover I fell onto the ground. As I lift myself up I realize I had no top on. I looked around for my bra and shirt. I found them by the door. While I picked my white tank top up I saw blood. I then panicked and checked my whole body to see if I was bleeding. I wasn't so I checked my underwear to see if I got my period. I didn't... WHAT THE FUCK!! I thought. Where the fuck was this blood coming from? I then found my shorts... They had blood on them also. I tried to remember what that girl and I were doing. She wasn't wearing any pants either... and she was rubbing herself on me as well. OMG SHE HAD HER PERIOD! I remember I was trying to go down on her and she kept saying no because she obviously had her period! I then got out of the room quietly and saw that her and the gay boy matt were up talking. I acted casual because I didn't want to embarrass her. I kinda felt bad. I said hello and tripped over a duffle bag. I think at that point I was still a bit drunk because I started laughing really hard. They joined in as well. We ended up talking the whole morning it was at least 8:00am by this point. I end up forgetting why I got up in the first place then I remember. SHOWER TIME!

 After I took a shower I put on my panties and bra with high socks. I looked like a girl who belonged in a porno magazine. Everyone was going outside to smoke and I really wanted one so I left with just my panties bra and high socks. Sasha was laughing at me and so was joey. I could feel the girl who was a lesbian staring at me. Once we got outside Snow was everywhere and I had to admit I wasn't even cold. I just stood there like it wasn't even a big deal. People walked by and stared. Did I care nope. Oh and guess what out of all the people in whistler that I could run into while in my bra and panties. I ended up running into CHAD. Awesome, now I look like a freak. What ever, I didn't even care. Chad acted like he didn't even notice but I saw him stare. 
After that smoke we got ready and headed for the village. We ended up going to white spot because they were having a good deal for pitchers. We got 6 pitchers and they were each 6$. After white spot we got a bit drunk and ended up at the Hilton hotel bar. I got 5 caesars. I was trashed at this point. Then we got more liquor from the store and went to Joeys to pre-drink. After Joeys we all ended up at Moe Joes. It was a club in the whistler village. Sasha started telling the bartender that it was my birthday. He gave me a free shot. Then Sasha and I went and sat on the bar stools. My cleavage was literally hanging out and so was hers. Sasha and I started to pretend we were lesbians. We made out and then took our tops off. We got at least 5 free shots. Guys started chanting. One guy put his had on me and Sasha started to scream at him to fuck off. We actually tried to pretend we were lesbians but it wasn't working so well. Once we left Moe Joes I blacked out and woke up in the exact same bed I woke up in the morning before. I was so hung over I couldn't even put my clothes on properly. Sasha said it was time we should head home even though it was 7am. We ended up packing our shit and headed home. Sasha had to pull over because I had to vomit. Once I vomited on the side of the highway I could feel my nose burn up. Vodka came out of my nose and mouth.. Gross. The way back home we couldn't stop laughing about the stupid shit we did and how a lesbian girl got her period blood all over my clothes. I had a lot of fun for what I could remember. 

part 11 will be up tomorrow 
xoxo
Dylan

How it all started (part nine)

 Melanie and I started to hang out pretty much every single day. She was shorter than me with short brown hair. She was thin and had olive tone skin. Her eyes were brown and she had baby doll like skin. She looked younger than her age but yet she was gorgeous. Guys adored her. I adored her as well. She knew everything about me. I told her all my secrets and she told me hers. We were partners in crime. Every party we went to people knew we would stir it up and make it more obnoxious. Melanie and I were party animals together. We got invited to all the parties and did crazy things. There was not one night I have had with Melanie that wasn't crazy. Its like we were bad influences on each other because what ever one of us wanted to do the other would agree and amp it more up. I loved being bad and so did she. It felt like the world was in our hands.
 Melanie and I went to our friends birthday party. One of the guys had ecstasy on him and was handing it out to everyone. I have done coke and weed but never ecstasy. I thought why the fuck not. I took one and was waiting for it to hit. It felt like forever. So I took another one. I thought it wasn't going to do anything to me until I felt tingles go through my entire body. The music made me feel like I was making love to it. My eyes started to dance around the room looking at everyone. They all look so beautiful to me. I then started touch my legs and it sent a thrill up my arms. It felt amazing. I couldn't stop moving my  hands. I then wanted to dance. I danced along with the music and it felt like my body was apart of the wind. Everything felt so much better. I was more happy then I have ever been. I completely forgot about Jesse. I was the happiest person alive. Why haven't I done this before? If it makes you feel this good why doesn't everyone do this? This is when I fell in love with ecstasy.
 Melanie and I would do it every weekend. It was our life. We even left Vancouver to go stay in Sechelt for 1 week to party. We paid for a motel and went camping. One of the nights in the motel we took this pressed cap called superman. I had 4 of them and Melanie had 3. Once it hit us we were higher then I have ever been high my entire life. We sat in the motel room looking up at the ceiling seeing pictures of monsters or people. I could feel the rush in my body my eyes got blurry and I layed flat on my stomach paddling like a dog. I thought I was in a river and I had to swim my way to the other side. Melanie joined me. We started laughing and having deep conversations about the world. I couldn't even handle myself. I then got up and started walking to the far wall. I started touching it with my fingers. It felt like velvet yet it was all wood like a cabin. I then tried to get back to the bed but I saw hands coming up to grab me. It wasn't scary though I was enjoying it. I then saw a man floating on a tube. Than I saw a fairy spinning in a tea cup. I sat down on the ground groping the hands that weren't even there. I then got on the bed with Melanie and started telling her I loved her. The ecstasy or whatever was mixed in it made me love everything around me. I started waving my arms in the air and it felt amazing as if I was an angle flying. Melanie told me she loved me as well. We started saying how we were going to get married and share a man to fuck. We ended up making out then stopped because we were to high to even continue. We started talking about things then completely forgot what we were saying to each other. We were so high that we couldn't even remember what we were saying. The music that was playing off the much music channel was tripping me out. I felt like the people who were singing were talking directly to me. I didn't want this feeling to stop. I just wanted to be high all the time with Melanie. We were soul mates. As if the world was only left of her and I. I started seeing faces with big smiles dancing around. I giggled. Melanie was in her own world as well. I didn't know what she was seeing but we were both giggling and talking but yet we couldn't even remember what one another said. We kept saying to each other "what were we just talking about?" "I don't know I cant even remember."
 After that Melanie and I went back to Vancouver and started hanging out with some of our guy friends. We would always go to Dustin's house to get high in his basement with his buddies since his mom never cared that we were over. Everything was better when you were high.
 Near the end of the summer Melanie and I had a bad trip and Melanie almost over dosed. It was probably the scariest moment of my life. She was my soul mate my best friend. If I lost her I would have gone suicidal. That was our breaking point. Thats when it got so out of control our parents got into it and told us we couldn't see each other anymore. We had to sneak around to hang out. It was hard. So our friendship got weaker and weaker.
 A couple months later after being lonely and friendless, Sasha called me. She was crying and upset about her and her boyfriend. They were dating for a year and they got into a fight. I told her to come over and she did. She dumped him and couldn't believe it was happening. This was the start of when Sasha and I started to hang out more. She was a year older then I and already graduated. I was supposed to be in grade 12 but I failed a year so I was stuck behind. She would sometimes pick me up from school or parties once she got off work and we would get stoned almost every night watching retarded movies. We would bond over everything. We had more in common then we expected. I finally felt complete now that I wasn't hanging out with Melanie as much or at all anymore. Sasha filled her spot.

Part 10 will be up later.

How it all started (part eight)

 Jesse and I dated for 8 months. I was a walking zombie. I thought he was better then me because he made it seem that way. He would tell me I was nothing without him. I would call him a fuck up and a low life loser. He would call me a cunt and a slut. I would end up calling him ugly. We would fight all the time over stupid things and over absolutely nothing. He would get jealous and I would get jealous. I would go home crying all the time feeling the bruises on my legs arms and face. I have some battle scars that still wont go away. I was in love with a monster. 
 The only reason Jesse and I split was because my aunt was tired of seeing me hurt all the time. She would end up crying with me and trying to keep me away from him. She would give me activities to do like acting lessons at the Seattle Theatre. I remember getting a emotional part for the play. The girl lost her family and I ended up crying on stage when I really got into the character. People applaud at how real it seemed. When really I just thought of Jesse while I was doing the part and cried over him and not the fact that the girl lost her family. My aunt was finally done with me and knew that I would keep sneaking around to see him. So she sent me back home to Vancouver. 
 Once I got to the train station Jesse was there. He told me to live with him to run away with him. I wanted to so badly but then I saw the cut on his lip that I gave him the other day. Did I really want my life to be all fights. Did I want to live my life like this with a boy who can't even support himself. I gave him a kiss good bye and told him I loved him. I got on the train and Jesse started calling me over and over again. I broke my phone so I wouldn't be tempted to answer it. I cried the whole way back to Vancouver. 
 My dad was waiting at the train station. I was wearing a tank top because it was summer time at this point. I was only in Seattle for a year.  I was now 17 and had already been in an abusive relationship. I had some cuts and bruises on my arms and chest. My dad had no idea about Jesse so I never told him. I just told him I was in a wrestling class to get some anger out. I told my dad about my broken phone. He said it was okay because I wouldn't be able to use that phone anyway since it was an american line. 
 I got home and saw my old bed. I actually missed it. I took a deep breather and finally felt good about everything. I felt free and more me then I ever did that year with Jesse. 
 After a couple weeks of being home I couldn't stop thinking about Jesse I was haunted by him in my dreams and while I was awake. Every time I would turn the corner I thought that I would see him or hear his screaming voice. I was a scared puppy dog. 
 I ended up getting a summer job so I could keep my mind off Jesse. I ended up working at a Clothing store south of Park Royal. My boss was nice and the job was actually kind of slack. There was only 5 of us working in the store. It was small so there was no need for more people. 
 One day I walked out of the store to go to the cafeteria for my lunch break. On the way to the cafeteria I herd someone calling my name. "Dylan!!! Over here!!" I turned my head and looked around I then saw a brunette girl waving her hand at me I squinted and It was Sasha. Sasha and I used to be really close. We met each other through my brother. He was dating one of her friends and Sasha and I ended up being really close with each other. I haven't seen her for almost 2 or 3 years. I walked towards her stand and saw that she was selling jewellery. 
 Sasha looked at my name tag and said. "So you work here now? Where? How have you been? I haven't seen you in ages!" Sasha kinda talks really fast and says a lot at once. It reminded me of our old times. I answered her questions and told her that I was living in Seattle for a while. We ended up catching up for the whole lunch break that I had and exchanged numbers. I was in need of a friend. I didn't really have any. 
 Once I got home I got a phone call on my cell phone. I answered and it was Melanie. She was an old friend of mine too. We used to party a lot together. She said she herd that I was back and was wondering if I wanted to go to a party with her. I told her I would love to because I really needed to get my mind off Jesse. 


Part 9 will be up later. 


xox
Dylan

Here is a poem I wrote for Part seven.

monster

I try to run but I keep coming back
The hill is just to steep
Your haunting my vision              
your even in my sleep
How can I escape this evil
Shouting words I can’t comprehend
Feels like we are in the medieval
I enrage as you take a strike, I try to defend

Monster, crude, savage, devilish, animal
this is what I’ve adapted too
I cry for help, yet I don’t want it
I’ve grown to love the monster in you

I cant survive without the hostility
I have no backbone but do I really want one?
The blood, the bruises are the pain I crave
The devil in me I can’t outrun

Smashing bottles, throwing fists, cut up lips
I won’t ever fucking leave
Until this demon accepts me
he’s disgusted by me what more can I believe

I wont ever stop loving your immortality
until you put a gun to my head
Just pull the damn trigger
I’m already dead

How it all started (part seven)

The night Jesse and I kissed we started hanging out almost every single day after that. I fell in love with him. I know how I told you that he wasn't good looking and his house was disgusting but I grew to love his flaws and imperfections. I ended up seeing his imperfections as beauty. I was in love with a boy I never thought I would ever fall for my entire life. His friends were losers but I liked them. Jesse made me feel good about myself. I got a lot of shit for dating him. People would look at us funny and girls would gossip about it. I would get comments from people every now and then about how I shouldn't date him. I ignored it. I thought they were just being rude and mean. They didn't know him like I did. 
 After 4 months of dating he told me he loved me. I said it back. The second time I have told a guy I loved him. It was weird how you could fall in love with people. The feeling gets better each time. 
 One night I was at home and Jesse's friend Alec was texting me. He wasn't flirting or anything he was just wondering were Jesse was. I told him I didn't know. Jesse ended up knocking at my door. I opened the door and let him in. Jesse kissed me on the check then sat down on the family couch. No one was home because my aunt had a night shift at the hospital as a nurse. My ex Garrett started to call my cell phone. I then felt uncomfortable and could feel my cheeks burning up. Its been so long since I've last talked to him. Jesse looked at the phone and then looked at me. He then gave me a confused look. 
 "Why don't you answer it Dylan?" He seemed a bit conflicted by the way I was acting. I ended up answering the phone. 
 "Dylan? Are you there?" I herd Garrett's voice on the other end of the line. I quickly said I would call him back and hung up. I don't know why I was acting so weird. I was into Jesse and I completely forgot about Garrett back in Vancouver. 
 Jesse got up and started asking me questions. I told him Garrett is my ex and I haven't talked to him in awhile and that we left things a bit messy. I could see Jesse's anger. Why was he mad? Why was he giving me that horrible look? All the sudden I herd Jesse screaming. I couldn't  remember what he was saying but he pushed me down on the couch. What the fuck was going on? Why was he doing this to me? I haven't done anything wrong. I then started raising my voice back at him telling him to calm down. He started swearing at me then I started swearing back. Was this a fight? Why are we fighting? He then grabbed me and pushed me to the ground. He started to choke me and was calling me dirty names. He said I was lying to him. What was I lying about? I then kicked him while he was on top of me so I could get free. I ran to the kitchen and I grabbed a knife. I told him to stay away and fuck off and to get the fuck out of my house. He then had a sad face on. He told me to put down the knife and that he was sorry he reacted so weird. I then put down the knife because I somehow forgave him. There was something about him that I just couldn't let go of. I didn't even want him to leave when I was yelling at him too. I wanted to be with him and I had no idea why. This should be a sign for an unhealthy relationship. I put down the knife then he came charging at me and pushed me over the kitchen table I hit my head on one of the wooden legs as I fell to the ground. I got on my knees and put my right hand over my head. I could feel the blood between my fingers. It was all a blur I didn't know what I did to deserve this. I got up and charged at him. I rolled my hand into a ball and took a swing at his face. I hit him hard he then yelled at me. "You stupid bitch." He took a swing a me. It hit my left eye. He had a good hit as if  he has hit someone many of times before. I gave up and cried. He was much stronger then me. I ran for my room and locked it. He started banging on the door. He finally left. I cried all night waiting for my aunt to come home.
 Once my aunt got home I cleaned the blood up off the ground and table. I had a shower so the blood would rinse out of my hair. I was in a robe when I opened the door for her. She looked at my eye and it had gotten dark around the edges. It was turning into a huge bruise. I lied to her and told her that I was going for a run and fell over some rocks. Why was I covering for him? I guess I was just embarrassed at the whole situation. 
 The next day Jesse sent me a text. It said. "Dylan can we talk?" I was so angry. What nerve does this asshole have to fucking hit a girl around and fucking text her the next day thinking that I would let him talk to me. I sent him a text saying. "Come over." I had this whole speech ready for him. I was pacing back and forth ready to give him a peace of my mind. Then I herd the door rang. All the sudden I was scared. What the fuck was I thinking when I told him to come over! I'm such a fucking idiot. I opened that door and there he was. I wanted to hug him. He looked so sad. I pulled him inside. He started telling me he was sorry and how he over reacted and that he didn't know what got into him. I gave him a hug and didn't want to let go. I didn't want to break up with him. I wanted to be with him. There was something about him that I wanted. I wanted to be apart of his world. We kissed and had the best make up sex ever. 
 As our relationship went on I wish I could say the fighting stopped but it didn't. It was a viscous cycle. He would make me feel worthless and ugly. Like I wasn't good enough for him. He made me weak and vulnerable. I felt like I was nothing without him. He was manipulative and a lier. I lost who I was. The fighting got worse and my aunt started to notice the bruises and scratches when I would come home. She told me to stay away from him and that he wasn't aloud anywhere near the house. I never stayed away I would either sneak out or go hang out with him when she was at work. 
 I didn't know how to leave the relationship. I wanted to but then I didn't. I knew he loved me. Our relationship was just fucked up. The songs 'I love the way you lie' Part 1 and 2 remind me of Jesse and I.  I defiantly relate to it. Every word Eminem and Rihanna are saying describes Jesse and I's relationship.


Part 8 will be up later. Note everything in this blog is real. 
xox
Dylan

How it all started (part six)

 When I went to the lake with Jesse and Alec I actually had fun. I never thought that I would enjoy Jesse's company. He was outgoing, weird and loud. His baby brother, mom and step-dad were at the lake as well. He seemed really close with his family. I guess I shouldn't judge a book by its cover. Jesse didn't have a care in the world. It was like he was in his own world and who was ever judging him, he didn't care one bit. I remember while we were driving back from the lake to his place a song came on, I cant remember what it was called, he started dancing in the car like some freak. His hands were in the air and he was singing along with the lyrics. I couldn't help but laugh. Alec was laughing as well. This didn't mean I liked Jesse in that way. Yeah he was funny, had all the confidence in the world but he was also kind of a loser. I never thought in my entire life through high school that I would hang out with someone so different. He wasn't those dreamy boys you would want driving you around in his car. His friend Alec wasn't attractive either. Alec didn't have a jaw line which made his face blend into his neck. Alec was tall and skinny. His arms would hang down really low. I shouldn't be judging but this was not my kind of crowd at all.
 Once we got to Jesse's place. I felt kind of out of place. His house was in a trashy area. There was garbage everywhere and it was kind of like a trailer park home. Once we got in side I was repulsed by it. The kitchen was as small as a bathroom. Dirty dishes were pilled in the sink. Microwaved dinners were left on the counter tops. The stove looked like it hadn't been cleaned in years. I looked down on the ground and there was dirt everywhere. Black ash almost filled the entire carpet. So the smoked in the house, haven't they herd of an ash tray? The walls were thin and had random holes everywhere. Where the fuck was I? Once I walked into his room I couldn't step anywhere. Clothes, dirty dishes, garbage and pop cans were all over the ground and desk. It was like an episode of the hoarders. I felt dirty and disgusted just being in side the small house. I looked at his bed and it didn't even have a sheet on it. It was a dirty mattress with a blanket and a pillow. I looked at Jesse and he looked very uncomfortable and embarrassed.
 "I'm really sorry you have to see this." Jesse said nervously as he scratched the back of his head.
 "It's okay. Nothing to be ashamed about." I lied trying to be nice. I felt bad for him. This was the first time he didn't seem so confident. I couldn't understand how someone like him be so confident when he had absolutely nothing. I then thought to myself. 'I am never coming back here again.'
 Once I got home Jesse texted me. It said. "I would really like to be your friend." I felt bad for his living conditions it made me want to call a home inspector and fix what I just saw. I wouldn't do that because I don't know anything about the family. I can't just judge him and his home if I have no idea whats going on in that house.
 I texted him back saying "Yeah I'd like that." I didn't really ever want to hang out with him again because I was repulsed by him. His personality was great. It was just his looks and his house I was disgusted by.
 Jesse started texting me a lot asking me bunch of questions about myself. I answered them all because he never asked any real personal questions which is a good thing because I wouldn't have answered. Sometimes when I didn't reply or reply fast enough. He'd get frustrated. I couldn't quite understand his personality. It was confusing but I didn't want to be rude to the poor boy. I felt so bad for him.
 One night Jesse asked me if I wanted to go to a party with him and his friends. I said yes because I wanted to meet more people. Jesse introduced me to everyone and people kind of stared at me like I didn't belong hanging out with him. I ran into a girl named Hannah. She looked at me then looked at Jesse. She seemed confused. I asked her "Is something wrong?" She then pulled me away and whispered. "Are you dating Jesse?" I then laughed. "Pfft no? Why on earth would you think that?" She then looked relieved and laughed along. "Your just way out of his league. I thought some miracle happened and a girl like you decided to date a guy like him." I looked at her as if it was rude she said that. I felt so bad I even laughed. Jesse was such a funny and nice guy. How could anyone be so fucking rude. I then pulled back hearing myself in my head. What the fuck was I thinking? Why am I getting so defensive over it. I looked at Hannah she was beautiful. Long blonde hair with really dark skin. She was kind of on the chunky side but she was still pretty.
 Jesse and I started playing a drinking game and people joined us. He was loud and humorous the guys seemed to love him and some girls were into him. They weren't pretty girls but he got attention from the okay looking girls. Everyone loved him. I was drunk and I kinda got into it. Despite his looks he was a great guy. Which started to make me think he was okay looking after all. A lot of the guys at the party were giving me attention but I didn't even seem to care for it. This guy named Tanner was tall, big built, brown hair and grey eyes. He was handsome and he was talking to me but I kept looking back at Jesse. Who was making the room laugh up about some stupid thing he was talking about. I shook my head thinking this was ridiculous. The states were making me think guys like Jesse were okay to hook up with. Out of all the guys I have hooked up with not one of them has been even as close to looking as bad as Jesse. What the fuck was going on!? I then went outside so I could let my head think clear and make the booze settle in my stomach. Jesse followed me.
 "Why are you out here?" His voice sounded sexy. I wasn't looking at him but his voice made me melt. It was the booze it had to be the booze. Tomorrow morning I would regret it if I ever kissed him.
 "Just needed some fresh air." I sat down on the footsteps to the front entrance of the house. He sat down beside me.
 "You're beautiful Dylan. I just thought I'd let you know that." He sat his elbows on his knees and put his face in his hands. He brushed his hands threw his buzzed cut hair and then smiled at me.
 I did it. I leaned in and kissed him. His hands grabbed my face and started kissing me harder. I started getting hot. I kissed him harder back and let me fingers trail down his neck. We both pulled away. I looked the other direction and he was speechless. The kiss was even hotter then I expected it to be. Why was I so attracted to him all the sudden. What was it about him that I liked so much.
 "I wasn't expecting that." He breathed.
 "Me either." I said quietly .


Part 7 will be up later.

How it all started (part five)

 It didn't take me long to pack all my belongings for Seattle. I just took the things I needed. Garrett picked me up to take me to the train station. The ride there was horrible. He kept trying to talk me out of moving to  Seattle. He kept trying to change my mind about us. I couldn't. There was no us anymore. I felt nothing for him. That doesn't mean I didn't care about him. He was the first guy that made me change my ways for a while. I was a better person with him but then again I wasn't myself. I never thought it was going to end this way. My feelings were all over the place I didn't know what to feel about anything. All I was thinking about was Chelsea and how I missed her. She was my best friend and now she's gone. It didn't feel real but it was.
 Once Garrett and I got to the train station he wrapped his arms around me for ten minutes not letting go. I felt him kiss me on my forehead. I squeezed him tighter. As he let go he smiled and said "Don't get into to much trouble." I gave a weak laugh feeling my eyes beginning to tear up. "I will be back one day." As  a tear left my right eye. He stepped forward brushing the tear away with his thumb. I looked into his blue eyes and could feel my heart beat beating faster. I guess I did still love him. He kissed me gently on the lips   then stepped back as if it had hurt him to kiss me. "I will be hear waiting for you." He said as he tucked his hands into his jeans front pockets.
  My aunt Lindsey was waiting for me already with open arms. She was probably the nicest aunt anyone could have. She knows everything about me and she doesn't approve of most the things I do but she loves me more then ever. I remind her of my mother which is her sister. I couldn't imagine how painful it must have been for her to loose her two older sisters over cancer. I don't know what I would do if I lost my brother. He was a part of me. He could do anything in the world to try and make me hate him but I never will.
 Living with my aunt was a huge change. I started doing online school because the schools weren't accepting anyone in this late in the year. I knew absolutely no one. How the fuck was I supposed to make friends when I couldn't attend a school and had to do online. Thankfully my neighbour was a guy a year older then me and he was having a party. He was kind of a dork. I always thought he was gay but he ended up having a new girlfriend every month or week. Maybe he did it to cover up that he was gay? I have no idea. When I got to the party I felt so alone. I only knew him. I never felt more out of place in my entire life. American teens were so different then Canadian teens. Canadian teens knew how to party. American teens were kind of less wild and more drama. Its like I was in an episode of the OC marathon.
 I had a few drinks and loosened up. This girl Margot came up beside me and asked me a lot of questions. Apparently I have an accent so she says. I couldn't tell the difference.
 I then herd a guy screaming from behind me. High fiving every one of his buddies. He looked like such a loser. I stared at him trying to see why his friends were looking up to him so much. He had a buzz cut and he bad complexion. His eyes were brown and his teeth were small with big gums. I thought to myself 'gross'. I turned around thinking that the states was a hell of a lot different then it was in Canada. There is 10x better looking people where I came from then there was here.
 The guys seemed fond of this loser screaming and bobbing his head everywhere. He was loud and obnoxious. It was hurting my head. I went to the back yard were the pool was. People were jumping in the pool naked and some girl was vomiting in a bush. I guess they did know how to party. The people inside were boring me. I grabbed my last Belmont cigarette from my pack. My lighter ran out of fluid. FUCK. I looked around to see if anyone was smoking. Then all the sudden the ugly annoying douche bag came out and light my smoke. I said thanks. He stared at me and I stared back. He smiled and his teeth grossed me out. They were so small. I gave him a nod and looked the other way.
 "How come I haven't seen you around here before?" He said nicely.
 "I just moved here from Vancouver." I said briefly still looking the other way. I took a drag from my cigarette. God I loved Belmont's. To bad they are a Canadian brand which the states doesn't sell.
 "I'm Jesse." He said with a grin on his face and his hand right hand out to shake. I didn't mind him because there was something about his voice that seemed very inviting. I couldn't help but smile.
 "I'm Dylan." I shook his hand.
 "Dylan? Isn't that a boys name?" He laughed. I laughed too.
 "My mom really liked the name. I'm guessing they were expecting a boy and didn't even think of having  a girl name prepared." He laughed harder as if what I said was really funny when I knew it wasn't.
  Jesse and I ended up talking for a while about random things. He was humorous and outgoing. I could see why his friends loved him so much. He was like the class clown. He also had a lot of confidence for someone who wasn't even good looking. I could tell he was flirting with me. I didn't mind. I was used to guys flirting with me. There was something though that was different about the way he talked to me. I couldn't stop laughing at his stupid jokes and his odd humour. My neighbour Brayden walked up and put his arm around me. Making me feel very uncomfortable. Jesse looked at Brayden. Brayden smiled.
"So your making some friends now Dylan?" I looked at Brayden and assumed his arm around me was just a friendly arm. I kinda was tipsy and stumbled a bit.
 "Your friend Jesse is hilarious." I laughed acting a bit drunk. Brayden looked at me.
 "I think you've had to many drinks." I could hear his voice ringing in my ear. I felt woozy and my head was starting to get the spins. I didn't care. It was keeping my mind off Garrett and Chelsea. Since I have moved here I have been moping around my aunts place for to long. I wanted another drink. I didn't grab another one though. I listened to Brayden. Then I looked at his pool. I started to undress myself. I was soon in just my panties and bra. I could feel eyes all staring at me. Guys were whistling and chanting. I then jumped into the pool. Brayden jumped in after me and we started splashing each other laughing. I haven't had this much fun since I was with Chelsea.
 I got out of the pool grabbed my clothes and started to walk out. I didn't want to be there anymore. My drunk feelings were getting to me. I started to cry as I walked into my aunts place. My aunt came rushing to me. Grabbed a towel and wrapped it around my body. She rubbed my back to sleep that night as I laid in my bed crying.
 I don't know how long it's going to take me to accept the fact that Chelsea is gone.
 A week later there was a knock at the door. My aunt wasn't home because she was at work. I was feeling good because My hair was nicely straightened and I have gotten a bit of a glow from tanning outside. Summer was finally here. I had ripped jean shorts that were by Celvin Klein. My white tank showed a bit of my cleavage. I opened the door and it was Jesse.
 "Hey, What are you doing here?" I said politely. I really hope he wasn't going to ask me to come hang out with him. He's not my type and he doesn't have the looks. I am shallow I can't deny that.
 "Want to go to the lake with Alec and I?" He had a turquoise t-shirt and white swim shorts on. He had gotten a bit of a tan since I last saw him. I scratched my head and looked around.
 "Sure, Just let me go grab my stuff and I'll be right out." I turned around and headed for my room. I quickly put on my black bikini and threw over a cover up. I left my aunt a voicemail saying I went to the lake with my neighbours and his friends. She wouldn't have wanted me to go with some boy I just met at my neighbours. She always like meeting the person first before I go hang out with them. She's kind of strict that way. I wasn't used to it but it was her house and I'm not going to disobey her rules because I didn't want to go back to Vancouver. Well, I might bend them a bit.


...Part 6 will be up later. I hope everyone is enjoying this so far. there will probably be like 100 parts of how it all started to get caught up to what I am doing now. But I will try and shorten it as much as I can.
xox
Dylan

How it all started (part four)

Garrett made me a better person. I stopped swearing as much. He didn't like it when I said 'fuck' all the time. I wore less revealing clothes and I stopped wearing eyeliner. My grades were picking up because he was actually pretty smart and would help me with my homework. Sex with him was amazing. 
 Garrett and I have been dating for about 9 months at this point. I became friends with this girl from work named Chelsea. Chelsea had long dirty blonde hair. Freckles that went across her nose and cheeks. Her eyes were green and she had an amazing body. I was defiantly intimidated by her. We started hanging out a lot and she would pick me up in her black jetta. One night when we planned on going out to her friends party I sat in the passenger seat and their was white powder dusted on the dashboard. Her eyes were glossy and her pupils were big. She smiled at me "I got some coke. Want a line?" I was about to say no but I couldn't help but wonder what coke was like to be on. I looked at the dashboard then I looked at her. She was gorgeous. I then giggled and said "Lets do it." She pulled out the bag of coke and poured some on the dashboard. She rolled up a 10 dollar bill and separated the coke into lines with her credit card. I snorted a fair size line from my right nostril. It took 10 seconds for it to hit me. I felt awake and couldn't shut up. I kept talking about anything and everything. Chelsea and I started to have the best conversation. I felt good and more alive. I wanted more. So I had another line. The music in her car sounded better. It felt amazing. My jaw was clenched and I couldn't feel my nostril. I felt numb. Chelsea smiled at me "Rub some on your gums and teeth." I did what she said and I then couldn't feel my mouth. I smiled in pleasure. How come I have never done this before? I wasn't even thinking about what Garrett would think of me. All I was thinking about was how I wanted more.

 Chelsea and I just ended up getting high the entire time at the party. So was everyone else. It felt like such a good atmosphere. Everyone was having engaging conversations. I was happy and interested in what everyone was saying. I didn't want the high to end. 
 After that weekend Chelsea and I got high almost every weekend. I tried to keep it from Garrett but eventually he found out. I was at home doing some lines with Chelsea when Garrett walked in. He wanted to see me before he had to go to his game. Garrett's face scared me. He then started screaming at me. I had nothing to say because what was I supposed to say. That I was sorry? I couldn't say that. People always say sorry when they get caught doing something bad even though they don't really mean it because if you didn't catch them in the first place they would have ever told you or have said sorry. Garrett walked out and I ran after him. 
 He looked at me and said "I fucking love you and you go do this shit to yourself. Do I not make you happy? Why the fuck are doing coke Dylan?!?!" I gave him a hug. He hugged me back. We loved each other. I looked up at him and I saw a tear, for the first time in our whole relationship, leave his eye. "Promise me you'll stop. I wont be able to be with you if you keep doing this shit." he whispered. I gave him a kiss. "It's going to be hard but I will for you." He smiled and left. I knew he loved me and that he wouldn't leave me over such a silly thing. I went back into the house and I did another line. I told myself I was going to stop after that night. That it was my last night of getting high. 
 I actually stopped but Chelsea and I were still close. I just told her I couldn't get high with her anymore because I didn't want to upset Garrett. She understood. She was my best friend at the time. I loved her. We were so in sync and fucked up in the head that we understood each other better then anyone has ever understood us before. 
 Garrett and I were watching Pirates and the Caribbean together one night when I got a phone call. It was Lionsgate hospital. Listening to the voice on the other end tears fled to my eyes. Chelsea had overdosed on oxy cotton. Have you been so upset before that you couldn't breath? Like there was something blocking your lungs to catch air. My head started to hurt, my stomach started to twist. I couldn't talk or breath. I was speechless. It was her mother on the other end of the phone. Her voice was weak and it was all mumbles but I got what she was saying. Garrett took the phone and started asking questions because I wasn't talking. I couldn't. I had no idea how to feel. God kept taking away all the people I loved. My mom, my aunt and now my best friend. Why did God hate me so much. Was I really that bad of a person that I had to have all these terrible things happen to me. 
 Garrett held me for 2 hours while I cried non stop. He dropped me off at home and asked me if he wanted me for him to stay the night. I shook my head. I sat in my bedroom for 2 weeks. I didn't see anyone not even Garrett. He left a million voice mails. He tried walking in but my dad told him to just leave me alone for a while and that I needed space. I was a zombie. I couldn't smile nor could I move. I was in this cycle of depression that just kept getting worse and worse. I finally lost my mind and started screaming. I ripped a bunch of my clothes smashed my mirror and start throwing shit around. My dad didn't even bother to stop me. He knew that I would do this because it always happens with me. Whenever I'm really upset I loose my mind. 
 I started taking anti-depressants. They didn't work. I didn't want to go to school. I just didn't want to see anyone. Garrett kept sending me texts saying. "Just because your upset right now doesn't mean you need to cut me out of your life. I want to be there for you. Its been about a month and you still haven't returned my calls. I think its about time you start talking to me. I love you Garrett." I read it over and over again. I couldn't feel anything for him. I looked down at my promise ring and couldn't feel the butterflies I would get. Or how my heart would race. I finally called him. 
 "Finally you called! I miss you so much Dylan." He said. 
 "Can you come over?" I said in a weak voice. 
Garrett walked into my room and sat beside me on my bed. I thought that maybe if I saw him I would feel the rush I always get. I would feel safe and a bit better that he was beside me. I felt nothing. I kissed him and there was nothing. I couldn't understand what was going on. I then took off my ring and put it in his hand. He looked at me confused. 
 "What are you doing?" 
 "I am giving you back the promise ring. I can't do this anymore. I think I just need to be alone." 
 Garrett tried to convince me that it was just that pain I was feeling from loosing my best friend and that everything will go back to normal soon. He left confused and sad. 
 I couldn't stand Vancouver anymore. I had to get out. I had to start somewhere fresh. I didn't want to be here anymore. I called my aunt (Lindsey) who lived in Seattle. I asked her if I could stay with her. She was so pleased to hear from me and that she would be glad to have me. 
 Seattle here I come. 


..Part 5 will be up later. I hope my life story helps others. There is still so much more to tell. 
xox
Dylan

How it all started (part three)

After the day my brother got arrested Garrett and I started seeing each other more often. We hung out almost everyday and the days we weren't hanging out Garrett would call me or text me frequently. I didn't mind. I was starting to really like him. I never thought I would end up with the captain of the football team. Football players weren't my type at all. I was into more of the bad boy type. Probably because I have done some pretty fucked up shit and I like knowing that the guy I'm with has done worse, so I don't look like the crazy one in the relationship. Then again people change. I thought my life was finally going to switch around. That I wouldn't have to look up to my rebel of a brother anymore. I could finally look up to a real man that had his priorities straight but still knew how to kick back and have a few drinks every once and awhile. The only reason I never went for any of the hott guys on the football team before was because I didn't think I was any of their types. I wasn't a cheerleader, I didn't wear short jean Abercrombie skirts with polos and white sneakers. I wasn't preppy at all. I had a bad reputation because I lost my virginity at age 14 to a guy that was 4 years older then me. I also was known to party really hard and kiss atlas 3 guys in one night. I was mean but yet still knew how to stay in the popular groups. Garrett didn't mind my history nor did he mind how I got bitchy 60% of the time. I actually started to change my ways and be a better person. I was a lot nicer to people. I started drinking less and enjoying being sober.
 When Garrett and I would walk the hallways together holding hands girls got angry and very feisty with me. I went to the girls washroom and one of them shoved me saying "Move out of the way you ugly skank." I know I said that I changed my ways but no way was I going to let some girl push me and call me an ugly skank. I then walked right up to her and looked her right in the eyes. She was 4 inches taller then me with dirty blonde hair that looked kind of like straws of hay. I could tell she was in Garrett's grade. Her eyes were dark brown almost black. She was actually sort of pretty. She then laughed "What are you going to do?" I was burning up inside so much that I could feel the heat raising off of my back. "I'm sorry but honestly, do you realize I am two years younger then you and you think its right that you can push me around calling me an ugly skank? You must be so bored with your life that you find this amusing. If I wasn't at school right now trying to play a good role model for the teachers and principle. Your face would be disproportionate right now." I could tell my eyes looked like the devils. She stepped back a bit looking scared. I may be shorter then her but I knew how to fight. My brother and I would wrestle and he would actually beat me up sometimes just to tough me up. She then looked at how short I was and looked around to see if anyone was still watching in the girls washroom. Their was actually kind of an audience. 5 girls were just standing there mouths opened and hands hanging. Hay hair girl then tried to look more powerful by stepping forward and pushed me. I didn't fall back. So I laughed. Then she pushed me again. And I laughed even harder. Then I saw her fist roll into a ball and take a swing. I ducked. Then looked at her. I stepped forward yelling "You think its cool to fight in school!" I pushed her and she fell to the ground. Girls were screaming "OMG! GIRL FIGHT!" More footsteps came into the washroom. I then laughed at hay hair girl while she was sitting on the ground. I wasn't going to do anything more then push her because she pushed me. So I started to walk away, until I felt a tug at the back of my shirt. I slipped to my back and quickly slapped her hand off of me. I then got up and looked at her. She then swung a fist at me to my face. It didn't her because she didn't have a good swing. I then grabbed the back of her head ripping her hair as I got my knee up I took her head and slammed it into my knee. I then pushed her to the ground and saw that she was crying. I ran out of the bathroom and out of the school. Garrett saw me running from his class room door and tried to catch up to me.
 "Dylan, Whats wrong? Wait up!" I herd him but I kept trying to out run him. He was too fast and stopped me.
 I was tearing. I didn't want to fight and I knew he would think less of me when I told him. I also knew the principle was going to find out and it wouldn't make Garrett's parents think good of me. I told Garrett the story about what happened. He grabbed me and gave me a hug. I hugged him back not wanting to let go. I could feel how much I liked him. We have been together for 3 months at this point. I already wanted to say the L word. I never told Chad that I loved him and I dated him for a year and 6 months. Three months with Garrett and I already wanted to be everything he wanted. I wanted him to be all mine. I didn't want anyone to split us apart.
 Garrett whispered "I'm so sorry you had to deal with Jennifer. Her and I used to date but that was two years ago. She's just trying to get under your skin."
 4 months later my birthday came up. I was turning 16. Garrett took me away to his cabin for the weekend. He told me he loved me while we were sitting on the dock dipping our feet into the lake. I was so relieved that he finally said it because I couldn't hold it in any longer. I said it back and he brought out a small box. A light blue tiffany's box. I literally was screaming inside. Although I was sure hoping he wasn't going to purpose to me. As he opened the box it was a ring with a small diamond. He put it on my right hand (thank god) and it fit perfectly as if he already knew my size.
 "I want this to be a promise ring. I know this is to soon and so sudden but Dylan I've never felt this way about anyone before. I don't know if this is what love feels like or if its puppy love. I just don't want this feeling to go away and I don't want you to either." He was staring right into me as if he could see right through me. I was turning bright red and couldn't help but kiss him.


... I have to get to work. I will tell you the rest later. It sounds like a nice love story right. Just wait. reality never ends with a happy ending.
xoxo Dylan

How it all started (part two)

 After the weekend I went to school on monday and May was already telling all her girlfriends about the party. They then all waved me over to their table with huge smiles on their faces. I never understood how girls could gossip so much and make something that happened that was so small into such a huge deal. Apparently what I said to those older girls was already buzzing around the school. I could feel eyes burning into the back of my head. I felt uncomfortable and wanted to leave but I didn't.
 Later that day I bumped into the girls I flipped off at the party. They gave my a bitchy glare and coughed "slut". I looked at them and laughed. Whenever older girls give me attention I don't feel threaten. I always think of it the other way around. That they are threatened of me and thats why they are going out of their way to make me feel smaller. Reverse psychology is used all the time. I do it, so why shouldn't they?
 When I was walking to my locker I saw Garrett leaning against it waiting for me. He saw me heading towards him and smiled. I couldn't help but blush because he actually looked really good without his jersey on and just a casual t-shirt. His hands were tucked into his jeans and I could see that he was wearing a Fossil black watch. It was sexy and made him look older.
 I commented "New watch?" He laughed "Actually yeah. My dad got it for me the day after we won the game." I looked into his blue eyes "So your dad buys gifts when you win games. Hmm.. I sure don't want to know what he does when you loose games." Garrett looked down at his feet and I could tell I made him feel uncomfortable. I quickly grabbed his wrist and took a look at the watch. "I love it. Looks sexy." I then gave him back his wrist and started to open my locker. I could see in the corner of my eye that he glanced at his watch. "Well, then I'm glad we won the game." I quickly grabbed my books together and started heading to class. I could hear his footsteps fallowing me. I turned around stopping in the middle of the hall. "Did you want something?" I said. He then leaned back on his heels looking unsure of himself. I felt bad for him because I could tell he was having a hard time trying to say what he was trying to say. I then gave him a smile "Want to walk me to class?" He then raised his eyebrows in surprise. "I'd be happy too." On the way to math class I could feel people staring at us but mostly girls. As if it was a surprise to see Garrett talking to a girl. Well, thats what I would like to think. Or that they were just jealous of me. Either way, whatever they were thinking, they were staring. Once we got to my class Garrett finally spoke "Can I give you a ride home after school?"  My classmates could all hear and I blushed looking put on the spot. "Sure, I'll meet you at my locker after school."
 After school Garrett was there waiting at my locker. To be honest I felt butterflies in my stomach. I hadn't felt this way since when I first started seeing Chad. I was thinking at that exact moment that maybe I could actually start dating someone again. Even though Chad was a nightmare. I was trying to play cool and not let him noticed that I was excited about having him drive me home. Although I think he could tell because apparently I was blushing. He made a comment saying "Now have you finally let down that big guard because I could seeing you turning bright red from the moment you saw me." I then pushed him and said "Now don't push it. Or else I'll bring it right back up." I could tell he was pleased by my answer.
 Once we got to his car I couldn't help but stare. It was a black range rover. What a fucking joke this guy was obviously loaded. Which made me start to like him even more. "Did your dad buy you this after winning a game as well?" I joked. He laughed with me and then told me it was his grandfather who gave it to him.
 Garrett and I sat outside my house and talked for 2 hours about each others lives. I told him pretty much everything. I couldn't believe that I opened up so much to him. He was just so easy to talk to that everything felt right. We didn't get uncomfortable at the bad parts of my life story or the weird parts. He said sorry a bunch of times because of what happened to my mother and aunt. I told him its life and we all have to move on. That we couldn't live in grief forever no matter how hard it is. He agreed and told me about his grandfather passing away. I felt bad but not really that bad because he died of old age which is good. Garrett's grandfather lived a happy long life.
 Garrett asked about my past boyfriends and I told him about the one (Chad). He seemed to be off put about it especially since Chad was 2 years older then him. Garrett asked me if Chad still bothered me. I told him no. Which was a lie because a week before Chad texted me asking me how I was doing. But I rarely hear from Chad anymore.
 All the sudden a cop car came into my drive way. Two policemen walked to the door and knocked. I saw my father looking confused as he opened the door. I saw their lips moving but couldn't hear. Then they went into the house. I then jumped out of the car and ran inside. Garrett stayed right where he parked and didn't even bother driving away. I guess he wanted to see what was going on. I looked at my dad "Whats going on?" He brushed his hand threw his hair "They are arresting Daniel for lighting a house on fire." Daniel was my older brother who was 3 years older then me. He has a criminal record and tends to always get in trouble for either having drugs on him, ruining property or getting in fights. This wasn't the first time he has been arrested. The police have been coming to my house since I was 8 years old looking for Daniel. It's all I've ever known of my brother. I still love him and look up to him. He has beaten up a lot of guys for me and has backed me up in my fights when girls would get catty with me. Daniel is my protector and without him I don't think I would even have the guts to lip off older girls. I just always know in the back of my head if anything happens to me, I know that my brother would be there in a second to help me out or fuck shit up.
 Once the cops took him away I was embarrassed that Garrett saw all of it. Garrett got out of his car and walked towards me while I watched the cop car drive away. I started to burn up and my eyes began to water. I then cried right there in front of Garrett. He saw me cry for the first time. This time my game face and guard was completely down. I was vulnerable and weak. Garrett pulled me close to him as he wrapped his arms around me. I didn't push away. I buried my face into his chest.




Part 3 will be up tomorrow.
xox
Dylan
Ps this is all true.. this is my life story. I am going to tell you step by step.