How it all started (part seven)

The night Jesse and I kissed we started hanging out almost every single day after that. I fell in love with him. I know how I told you that he wasn't good looking and his house was disgusting but I grew to love his flaws and imperfections. I ended up seeing his imperfections as beauty. I was in love with a boy I never thought I would ever fall for my entire life. His friends were losers but I liked them. Jesse made me feel good about myself. I got a lot of shit for dating him. People would look at us funny and girls would gossip about it. I would get comments from people every now and then about how I shouldn't date him. I ignored it. I thought they were just being rude and mean. They didn't know him like I did. 
 After 4 months of dating he told me he loved me. I said it back. The second time I have told a guy I loved him. It was weird how you could fall in love with people. The feeling gets better each time. 
 One night I was at home and Jesse's friend Alec was texting me. He wasn't flirting or anything he was just wondering were Jesse was. I told him I didn't know. Jesse ended up knocking at my door. I opened the door and let him in. Jesse kissed me on the check then sat down on the family couch. No one was home because my aunt had a night shift at the hospital as a nurse. My ex Garrett started to call my cell phone. I then felt uncomfortable and could feel my cheeks burning up. Its been so long since I've last talked to him. Jesse looked at the phone and then looked at me. He then gave me a confused look. 
 "Why don't you answer it Dylan?" He seemed a bit conflicted by the way I was acting. I ended up answering the phone. 
 "Dylan? Are you there?" I herd Garrett's voice on the other end of the line. I quickly said I would call him back and hung up. I don't know why I was acting so weird. I was into Jesse and I completely forgot about Garrett back in Vancouver. 
 Jesse got up and started asking me questions. I told him Garrett is my ex and I haven't talked to him in awhile and that we left things a bit messy. I could see Jesse's anger. Why was he mad? Why was he giving me that horrible look? All the sudden I herd Jesse screaming. I couldn't  remember what he was saying but he pushed me down on the couch. What the fuck was going on? Why was he doing this to me? I haven't done anything wrong. I then started raising my voice back at him telling him to calm down. He started swearing at me then I started swearing back. Was this a fight? Why are we fighting? He then grabbed me and pushed me to the ground. He started to choke me and was calling me dirty names. He said I was lying to him. What was I lying about? I then kicked him while he was on top of me so I could get free. I ran to the kitchen and I grabbed a knife. I told him to stay away and fuck off and to get the fuck out of my house. He then had a sad face on. He told me to put down the knife and that he was sorry he reacted so weird. I then put down the knife because I somehow forgave him. There was something about him that I just couldn't let go of. I didn't even want him to leave when I was yelling at him too. I wanted to be with him and I had no idea why. This should be a sign for an unhealthy relationship. I put down the knife then he came charging at me and pushed me over the kitchen table I hit my head on one of the wooden legs as I fell to the ground. I got on my knees and put my right hand over my head. I could feel the blood between my fingers. It was all a blur I didn't know what I did to deserve this. I got up and charged at him. I rolled my hand into a ball and took a swing at his face. I hit him hard he then yelled at me. "You stupid bitch." He took a swing a me. It hit my left eye. He had a good hit as if  he has hit someone many of times before. I gave up and cried. He was much stronger then me. I ran for my room and locked it. He started banging on the door. He finally left. I cried all night waiting for my aunt to come home.
 Once my aunt got home I cleaned the blood up off the ground and table. I had a shower so the blood would rinse out of my hair. I was in a robe when I opened the door for her. She looked at my eye and it had gotten dark around the edges. It was turning into a huge bruise. I lied to her and told her that I was going for a run and fell over some rocks. Why was I covering for him? I guess I was just embarrassed at the whole situation. 
 The next day Jesse sent me a text. It said. "Dylan can we talk?" I was so angry. What nerve does this asshole have to fucking hit a girl around and fucking text her the next day thinking that I would let him talk to me. I sent him a text saying. "Come over." I had this whole speech ready for him. I was pacing back and forth ready to give him a peace of my mind. Then I herd the door rang. All the sudden I was scared. What the fuck was I thinking when I told him to come over! I'm such a fucking idiot. I opened that door and there he was. I wanted to hug him. He looked so sad. I pulled him inside. He started telling me he was sorry and how he over reacted and that he didn't know what got into him. I gave him a hug and didn't want to let go. I didn't want to break up with him. I wanted to be with him. There was something about him that I wanted. I wanted to be apart of his world. We kissed and had the best make up sex ever. 
 As our relationship went on I wish I could say the fighting stopped but it didn't. It was a viscous cycle. He would make me feel worthless and ugly. Like I wasn't good enough for him. He made me weak and vulnerable. I felt like I was nothing without him. He was manipulative and a lier. I lost who I was. The fighting got worse and my aunt started to notice the bruises and scratches when I would come home. She told me to stay away from him and that he wasn't aloud anywhere near the house. I never stayed away I would either sneak out or go hang out with him when she was at work. 
 I didn't know how to leave the relationship. I wanted to but then I didn't. I knew he loved me. Our relationship was just fucked up. The songs 'I love the way you lie' Part 1 and 2 remind me of Jesse and I.  I defiantly relate to it. Every word Eminem and Rihanna are saying describes Jesse and I's relationship.


Part 8 will be up later. Note everything in this blog is real. 
xox
Dylan