Fallen.

I can't seem to sleep or remember my days. Everything has become a blur, my life, my future and myself. Have I reached the point where I don't care about anything? My feelings have become numb to the fact that I just cant feel or see or sleep or do remotely anything. Every time I look back on what I've written on my past doesn't make sense anymore. Am I crazy? Is my life always going to a story to me? Is it weird that I think about death? That I want to die? I know its selfish and stupid but I keep feeling like it will happen to me any moment now. That it's coming for me. I'm falling down and no one is here to catch me. I keep having dreams about my mother. How she's still alive and out there waiting for me to come see her. In my dreams I get to close to reaching her but then poof! I awake. 
 Do you believe you lived a life before the present. I feel as if I have and sometimes I remember bits of it then it disappears and reappears all the time. Although I can't quite explain the memories of my other life. Maybe I'm insane and only psychopaths will believe me. We are all living in a square box and when someones mind goes outside the box trying to get the truth people come after you saying you're not normal and binge you on drugs to maybe keep you sane for a while. I really wish I was living in a life with my mother. Having no mom is like having half or your heart burnt down and a knife in your gut twisting its way around while you watch everything around you disappear. I try so hard to shake the discomfort of her being gone but every time I feel like I'm okay. More insane thoughts creep inside my fucked up head where I start talking to myself and sometimes 'God, if there even is one.  


xoxo
Dylan