I'll be skinny or Die trying.

Lately I've been good with eating. I smoke cigarettes to decrease my appetite. Take Ritalin to make me not want to eat. I also take ephedrine and caffeine pills before I go to the gym. So that it will make me loose more weight. Sweat it all out. I don't know how to diet or how to actually go on a healthy eating plan. I just  can't do it. So I've been making up the rules as I go. I drink a lot so that also doesn't help but I've lost 5 pounds in one week. I think thats a good amount of pounds to sherd after a week. Is it not? I just want to be thinner. I want to have golden skin that looks like its been kissed from the sun. I will have that and I will be thinner. First goal is to actually get skinnier. Then once that has happened I can spend money on new clothes and feel good in them and not have to worry about my thighs touching or my stomach looking like i have a baby bump. Have you girls ever wondered what it would be like the actually feel physically happy with your self. I wonder that every day. What kind of confidence I would have? What kind of feeling I would get in the morning when I see my reflection in the mirror. It would be complete bliss. I'm trying to take charge in my life style. Lets hope it works out. Today I'm going to work hard at the gym. Go on the treadmill for 30 mins, the elliptical for 20 mins, push ups for 15, sit ups for 15 mins, and weights for 20. I can do this and I will! 
Wish me luck bloggers. Hope you like my skinny picture of the day. 




xoxo 
Dylan